Appy Olly Oggiez father, it has been 105 days since my last cinematic confession…
It took me that long to see something really outstanding.
Ingluorious Basterds - As is my wont, the better the movie the shorter the review.
9.5 Nazi scalps / 10
Home Run, and not just because the Bear Jew carries a bat.
I appreciated the KillBills, and I tolerated the sagas of meany car and gunny leg, but those movies lacked a lot of the things that I really love about 2wentin’s story telling abilities. I.B. fell somewhere in between those films, with their rigid genres and spoofs thereof , and Pulp Fiction & Reservoir Dogs, which were marked by great dialogue and a temporally serpentine plot line.
I sought out some negative reviews of this movie in order to broaden my perspective. All of the negative reviews fell into 3 categories:
“There were too many dang ol languages in this movie, if I wanted to read so dern much I woulda stayed home and read mah Danyelle Steal er my Peeple magozeen!” Most of the world doesn’t speak English cleatus.
“The movie was too long.” I accept this a valid argument, as I have used it as a complaint before. but those movies all sucked. I would have spent a week with these characters, I doubt they would have survived that long tho.
“too violent” or “too arrogant” and all sorts of shots from people who plain just don’t like Tarantino. It’s painfully obvious that anything he churned out would’ve gotten a poor stamp from them.
How these saps went into the movie not knowing they were going to get all of those things is beyond me.
If they wanted a brainless, brief, comic book style violence movie with not too much chatting they should have just stuck with::
I don’t believe the hype of this shit. Don’t get me wrong it was entertaining at times, but way too much crap pissed me off. I’ve never seen a movie pretend to do so much explaining without actually explaining anything. Oooooh, it’s kind of a faux documentary format, I must be getting LOADS of info. No, you aren’t.
They should rename this movie “District WTF?”
Let me create for you a list of things unexplained, aka a plot outline
why did the ship stop there? it wasn’t out of fuel. we know that because it fucking sailed away at the end. WTF? o I ruined it for you. you’re welcome.
they take all these sick aliens off the ship, and with no regards to diplomacy, scientific study, disease isolation, or anything else intelligent humans strive for, they stuck them in a concentration camp. WTF? when I saw the trailers i figured this was some sort of quarantine zone, but it was as far from that as possible because people were allowed to go inside, walk around, and peddle fucking cat food and cow dicks to the aliens. WTF?
the film goes for the angle that these are the “worker bees” of their race, therefore no information can be garnered from them because they are too unintelligent. Well, they seem to communicate perfectly with humans and have adapted exceptionally well to their down right shitty situation, which we are intent upon keeping them in. Prob the cat food and cow dick, big wigs.
Who put these a-hole South Africans in charge?? I know the ship ended up above Johannesburg, but the movie goes on and on about MNU (Multi-national unfucking-reasonable) that’s supposed to be…well i don’t really know what they are supposed to be doing. As far as I can tell, it’s a bunch of frumpy nerds watching the aliens walk around their slums eating cat food (WTF?) on computers and a bunch of murderous swat team dudes whose previous employment was either Hyena the Bounty hunter or steward on Con-Air, all of whom are South African and are working for ex-diamond merchants bent on selling alien weaponry to Koreans WTF?
The Nigerians. I don’t even know how to explain this aspect of the movie, which was quite significant. So there is this shitty, 5th world super slum with all the aliens in it. They aren’t really allowed to leave or have jobs or do much of anything. They have to eat tho, and who is the ever present merchant to the alien race? Nigerian gangs. That’s right, Nigerian gangs. Well, actually it seems to be one gang, all led by a smiley fucker in a wheel less wheel chair. How did they get there? Why did they come? Why did MNU in their infinite wisdom allow a legless nigerian homicidal maniac to corner the cat food and cow dick market? These questions are unimportant. A more pertinent question is why they are allowed to horde massive amounts of the alien weaponry. Not even an ounce of explanation. WTF??
Did they just pick a random country in Africa? did they know where Nigeria was?
I’ll admit that about 30% of the movie was OK. towards the end. After my brain was already exploding because of all the stupid shit crammed inside the first 70%.
Things I’m sure everyone liked:
the bugs/aliens eat cat food LOLOLOLOL
The human protagonist is like a cross between Michael Scott and that cute little guy from Shawn of the Dead ROFLROFLROFL
Kewl Lazors and grafix. PWNL33TPWNL33T
6 Prawns / 10
You’re right father, confession does ease the soul.
O, a couple of great netflixes i fluxed (subtitles, be warned!):
The Lives of Others – Best movie I’ve seen in years. Just see it. Promise. 10/10
Paris, Je T’aime – What seems like an infinite barrage of love stories in Paris. I recommend a large bottle of wine, a doober, and a lover for proper viewing. I had none of these and still enjoyed it. 8/10
ummmm, i really like that transition sentence from IB 2 districk WTF?.
Reading this made me feel like a bird brain, because I'd forgotten all about the parts of the movie where I was awake. This was really enjoyable to read. I like your mind. Keep it up.
Daniel
Re: District Nine
Explanation is the bugbear of most movies, not the lack of explanation. I'm guessing you're really more concerned with cognitive dissonance or plot inconsistencies. Example: we don't need to know how the alien ship hovers. Nor do we need to know which star system they came from.
Why the alien ship stopped is obviously not something the humans of this movie know a whole hell of a lot about. I don't see why we need to know it either. I admired this movie for resisting the urge to prattle on about every. little. detail. ala Michael Bay explaining why giant robot one hates giant robot two with thirty-five thousand years of backstory.
Here's my problem with the movie: Everybody was a piece of shit. The humans were obviously repressive, horrible exploiters, but the aliens acted like a bunch of homeless Vietnam veterans with PTSD and a heroin vice. As dumb and nasty as the aliens were, I find it hard to fault the humans for treating them like poop.
thebluebird
I'm with Bjorn, I think this movie is a little too hyped. It was a decent film, but not much beyond that. I have two responses, though. 1) Do you not think that the aliens behavior was merely a result of their situation? Forced to live like caged animals, they became animals...? 2) As for the Nigerians, since South Africa is one of the most economically vibrant nations on the continent, they experience quite a bit of immigration. While Zimbabweans presence in SA might be widely known, Nigerians also have a large presence. I think the director, being South African, figured the knowledge of a Nigerian presence in SA was a given... Unfortunately, it seems that isn't the case.
Sum (of) Reviews(=33.5)
Appy Olly Oggiez father, it has been 105 days since my last cinematic confession…
It took me that long to see something really outstanding.
Ingluorious Basterds - As is my wont, the better the movie the shorter the review.
9.5 Nazi scalps / 10
Home Run, and not just because the Bear Jew carries a bat.
I appreciated the Kill Bills, and I tolerated the sagas of meany car and gunny leg, but those movies lacked a lot of the things that I really love about 2wentin’s story telling abilities. I.B. fell somewhere in between those films, with their rigid genres and spoofs thereof , and Pulp Fiction & Reservoir Dogs, which were marked by great dialogue and a temporally serpentine plot line.
I sought out some negative reviews of this movie in order to broaden my perspective. All of the negative reviews fell into 3 categories:
How these saps went into the movie not knowing they were going to get all of those things is beyond me.
If they wanted a brainless, brief, comic book style violence movie with not too much chatting they should have just stuck with::
District 9
I don’t believe the hype of this shit. Don’t get me wrong it was entertaining at times, but way too much crap pissed me off. I’ve never seen a movie pretend to do so much explaining without actually explaining anything. Oooooh, it’s kind of a faux documentary format, I must be getting LOADS of info. No, you aren’t.
They should rename this movie “District WTF?”
Let me create for you a list of things unexplained, aka a plot outline
Did they just pick a random country in Africa? did they know where Nigeria was?
I’ll admit that about 30% of the movie was OK. towards the end. After my brain was already exploding because of all the stupid shit crammed inside the first 70%.
Things I’m sure everyone liked:
6 Prawns / 10
You’re right father, confession does ease the soul.
As does this.
O, a couple of great netflixes i fluxed (subtitles, be warned!):
The Lives of Others – Best movie I’ve seen in years. Just see it. Promise. 10/10
Paris, Je T’aime – What seems like an infinite barrage of love stories in Paris. I recommend a large bottle of wine, a doober, and a lover for proper viewing. I had none of these and still enjoyed it. 8/10