If you blinked, you missed a lot: Ole Miss collapsed under the high expectations, USC was once again dropped by a sub-par foe, and championship dreams have been scuttled in Soonerville after splitting their first six games. Chaos is truly the king of College Football once again. But like a fine Delacroix, the luridly dramatic chaos of the college game is a beautiful sight to behold.
Two Cents
Team spirit, finally on full display
Peter: The chaos, beautiful as it may be, has rendered unto us a week of games featuring only one matchup between two ranked oppenents. Can you guess who those teams might be? I’ll make things easier for you, it isn’t the SEC, Big 12, or Big Ten. Still uncertain? Try the Mountain West. Get your purple on, kiddos. The Horned Frogs are traveling west to face the Mauling Mormons of BYU. Should be an exciting game.
Bjorn: A side effect of having less ranked teams in the Big 12 is not being exposed to future opponents. The country was so enamored by Chase Daniels and his chubby little hot dog neck last year, I saw him on TV five times before we played them. I feel blind going into this next game, and the lack of knowledge creates a subtle lack of comfort. I’d say that Florida/Alabama fans must know what that is like, but CBS’ unfailing devotion to the SEC let’s every swamp residing, kudzu chomping bumblefuck scout the conference.
Five Games
Oregon v. Washington
Peter: It seems like it has been awhile since we ventured out west for a featured game. It also seems like it has been awhile since Washington was the toast of America…knocking off USC, sitting proudly within the exclusive realm of the AP Top25. My how life has changed! Since the USC game Washington has gone 1-3 (and are arguably the second best 3-3 team in CFB). Wonderful as Jake Locker is, it’s going to take a bit of luck or a flawless performance to topple Oregon, who are sitting comfortably atop the pile in the Pac10. Who would have foreseen that after the Boise State debacle and almost blowing their game against Purdue?
Bjorn: I always think it’s funny how a team can be atop their conference but down in the polls. It trivializes both and confuses my brain. I think Oregon will prove to be too physical (punchification joke, blammo!) for Washington, and although I wish them the best, the surest way for USC not to win the Pac-10 is an Oregon victory. Not only do I think the quacks will win, but I want them to win. Teams are undefeated when these facts collide, lifetime.
Penn State v. Michigan
Peter: Finally, a Big 11 game other than those damned Hawkeyes. Michigan completely destroyed mighty Delaware State last week and as valiant as they have been thus far, I don’t see them winning this game. They give up way too many points and aren’t great against the run. Furthermore, Penn State has a pretty solid defense. They have allowed more than 7 points only twice this year (21 to Iowa in a tough loss and 17 throwaway points to Illinois). JoePa hasn’t won in Ann Arbor since 96. To steal a line from my pal Andre3000…this be the year that he won’t forget
Bjorn: Two of the best jerseys in football, lining up. oh my! who to pick? The weather is going to be a major factor in this one, and when things get sloppy, it’s pretty hard to pick the team with a 185 quarterback who relies on surgically precise tosses over the team with a better running game and a stout defense.
OU v. Kansas
With Bradford out, Landry is once again the man
Peter: OU has to be the best 3-3 team in the land. They are coming off a tough loss to the ‘Horns and have to be out for blood. The Fightin’ Mangino’s on the other hand just suffered a humiliating loss to Colorado, a definite Big12 bottom feeder. Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk hasn’t beat the Sooners in a loooooong time…I’m envisioning a two TD win for the Boomers
Bjorn: Sooners by a mile. Sorry Kansas, you are soft. The sooners are tough, even if their course is a bit wayward. Bradford to have season ending surgery, Medical Red-Shirt anyone?
Texas v. Mizzou
Peter: I’ve heard (through a wagering friend, of course) that a lot of folks are looking at an upset here. Sure, UT is coming off a big win and are a possibly susceptible to a hangover, but I see the eerily quiet streets of post game Columbia. As flawed as Texas is on offense, I think our defense will have a field day on Gaaaaaaabbbert. Try saying that name. It’s fun. UT wins. Hoorah!
Uh-oh, it’s Bjorn’s youtube comments alter ego, Nrojb!: FUK DA HATERZ. MISOORI SUX LOL. Y’ALL DONT EVEN KNOW. COLT IS THE GREATEST QB IN HISTORY OMG. UT IS NUMBER ONE EVERY1 KNOSE. BARRACK OBAMA IS THE ANTICHRIST.
Frogs are trying to stiff arm their way into the BCS party
TCU v. BYU
Peter: Hey-o! Frogs up! Huge game for Patterson & Co. We’ve seen BYU score points in bunches these past few weeks, but those bunches game against low quality opponents. When Bronco’s boys played teams of relative note (OU & FSU), scoring wasn’t exactly easy. TCU has a stellar, stellar defense and have already faced three tricky road games with aplomb (UVA, Clemson, Air Force). The fact that the game is at night and in Provo gives me slight pause. As straight laced as the Mormon’s are supposed to be, I’ve been told that, liquor or no liquor, things get heated out there. Apparently there are unimaginable amounts of putrid and bilious hate spilling out from the mouths and minds of the fan base in Provo. GP is unflappable. Frogs up!
Bjorn: A deep dark secret of Mormonism is John Smith’s fear of frogs. His original reason for the hajj to Utah was not bc it’s barren and only weirdo pederasses would want to live there, but because of the lack of frogs. That being said, you can be sure the Mormon Illuminati are pouring over the “prophetic” texts trying to find something about Purple Horned Frogs hopping into town fucking up their christmas. That is one of the failures of Mormonism, they never planned on football. Christians, more specifically Texas Christians, are all about football and also about conquering other religions. Win-win. TCU.
Upset Specials
Peter: Put me down for South Florida knocking off Pittsburgh. Everyone is counting them out after losing to Cinci last week. Not this cat, however. I like their D-line way too much not to pick them here.
Bjorn: I guess OU doesn’t really count, I’d like Michigan to win, but ef it, Whoever Tebow is playing, knock that mofo out!
There is only one thing that could save this entirely unintriguing week of football. The greatest love story of our time, the story of a DJ who falls in love with his chat room’s AI moderator, only to find out she’s not a bot after all…….
The Tilted Pylon: The Midway Mark
We are officially half way through the season.
No blinking here.
If you blinked, you missed a lot: Ole Miss collapsed under the high expectations, USC was once again dropped by a sub-par foe, and championship dreams have been scuttled in Soonerville after splitting their first six games. Chaos is truly the king of College Football once again. But like a fine Delacroix, the luridly dramatic chaos of the college game is a beautiful sight to behold.
Two Cents
Team spirit, finally on full display
Peter: The chaos, beautiful as it may be, has rendered unto us a week of games featuring only one matchup between two ranked oppenents. Can you guess who those teams might be? I’ll make things easier for you, it isn’t the SEC, Big 12, or Big Ten. Still uncertain? Try the Mountain West. Get your purple on, kiddos. The Horned Frogs are traveling west to face the Mauling Mormons of BYU. Should be an exciting game.
Bjorn: A side effect of having less ranked teams in the Big 12 is not being exposed to future opponents. The country was so enamored by Chase Daniels and his chubby little hot dog neck last year, I saw him on TV five times before we played them. I feel blind going into this next game, and the lack of knowledge creates a subtle lack of comfort. I’d say that Florida/Alabama fans must know what that is like, but CBS’ unfailing devotion to the SEC let’s every swamp residing, kudzu chomping bumblefuck scout the conference.
Five Games
Oregon v. Washington
Peter: It seems like it has been awhile since we ventured out west for a featured game. It also seems like it has been awhile since Washington was the toast of America…knocking off USC, sitting proudly within the exclusive realm of the AP Top25. My how life has changed! Since the USC game Washington has gone 1-3 (and are arguably the second best 3-3 team in CFB). Wonderful as Jake Locker is, it’s going to take a bit of luck or a flawless performance to topple Oregon, who are sitting comfortably atop the pile in the Pac10. Who would have foreseen that after the Boise State debacle and almost blowing their game against Purdue?
Bjorn: I always think it’s funny how a team can be atop their conference but down in the polls. It trivializes both and confuses my brain. I think Oregon will prove to be too physical (punchification joke, blammo!) for Washington, and although I wish them the best, the surest way for USC not to win the Pac-10 is an Oregon victory. Not only do I think the quacks will win, but I want them to win. Teams are undefeated when these facts collide, lifetime.
Penn State v. Michigan
Peter: Finally, a Big 11 game other than those damned Hawkeyes. Michigan completely destroyed mighty Delaware State last week and as valiant as they have been thus far, I don’t see them winning this game. They give up way too many points and aren’t great against the run. Furthermore, Penn State has a pretty solid defense. They have allowed more than 7 points only twice this year (21 to Iowa in a tough loss and 17 throwaway points to Illinois). JoePa hasn’t won in Ann Arbor since 96. To steal a line from my pal Andre3000…this be the year that he won’t forget
Bjorn: Two of the best jerseys in football, lining up. oh my! who to pick? The weather is going to be a major factor in this one, and when things get sloppy, it’s pretty hard to pick the team with a 185 quarterback who relies on surgically precise tosses over the team with a better running game and a stout defense.
OU v. Kansas
With Bradford out, Landry is once again the man
Peter: OU has to be the best 3-3 team in the land. They are coming off a tough loss to the ‘Horns and have to be out for blood. The Fightin’ Mangino’s on the other hand just suffered a humiliating loss to Colorado, a definite Big12 bottom feeder. Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk hasn’t beat the Sooners in a loooooong time…I’m envisioning a two TD win for the Boomers
Bjorn: Sooners by a mile. Sorry Kansas, you are soft. The sooners are tough, even if their course is a bit wayward. Bradford to have season ending surgery, Medical Red-Shirt anyone?
Texas v. Mizzou
Peter: I’ve heard (through a wagering friend, of course) that a lot of folks are looking at an upset here. Sure, UT is coming off a big win and are a possibly susceptible to a hangover, but I see the eerily quiet streets of post game Columbia. As flawed as Texas is on offense, I think our defense will have a field day on Gaaaaaaabbbert. Try saying that name. It’s fun. UT wins. Hoorah!
Uh-oh, it’s Bjorn’s youtube comments alter ego, Nrojb!: FUK DA HATERZ. MISOORI SUX LOL. Y’ALL DONT EVEN KNOW. COLT IS THE GREATEST QB IN HISTORY OMG. UT IS NUMBER ONE EVERY1 KNOSE. BARRACK OBAMA IS THE ANTICHRIST.
Frogs are trying to stiff arm their way into the BCS party
TCU v. BYU
Peter: Hey-o! Frogs up! Huge game for Patterson & Co. We’ve seen BYU score points in bunches these past few weeks, but those bunches game against low quality opponents. When Bronco’s boys played teams of relative note (OU & FSU), scoring wasn’t exactly easy. TCU has a stellar, stellar defense and have already faced three tricky road games with aplomb (UVA, Clemson, Air Force). The fact that the game is at night and in Provo gives me slight pause. As straight laced as the Mormon’s are supposed to be, I’ve been told that, liquor or no liquor, things get heated out there. Apparently there are unimaginable amounts of putrid and bilious hate spilling out from the mouths and minds of the fan base in Provo. GP is unflappable. Frogs up!
Bjorn: A deep dark secret of Mormonism is John Smith’s fear of frogs. His original reason for the hajj to Utah was not bc it’s barren and only weirdo pederasses would want to live there, but because of the lack of frogs. That being said, you can be sure the Mormon Illuminati are pouring over the “prophetic” texts trying to find something about Purple Horned Frogs hopping into town fucking up their christmas. That is one of the failures of Mormonism, they never planned on football. Christians, more specifically Texas Christians, are all about football and also about conquering other religions. Win-win. TCU.
Upset Specials
Peter: Put me down for South Florida knocking off Pittsburgh. Everyone is counting them out after losing to Cinci last week. Not this cat, however. I like their D-line way too much not to pick them here.
Bjorn: I guess OU doesn’t really count, I’d like Michigan to win, but ef it, Whoever Tebow is playing, knock that mofo out!
There is only one thing that could save this entirely unintriguing week of football. The greatest love story of our time, the story of a DJ who falls in love with his chat room’s AI moderator, only to find out she’s not a bot after all…….