In response to a request from my main man Spoony Bones, I will now give my updated thoughts on Tiger Woods, in light of his “press conference”.
not even 8 blades can cut away the shame
Right off the bat I gotta say all the criticism of the press conference itself, who was invited, why he didn’t answer questions, etc., is preposterous. Is there some sort of post coitus press conference code I don’t know about that he was supposed to adhere to? These freakin’ writers, “If I had cheated on my wife with 22 women over the course of 5 years, I would have done my press conference this way…” Please, shut your mouth.
Now, my thoughts on his words summarized: “Bull Shit”.
The “Forgive me, I am a _____ addict” card is so over played. Was his behavior despicable? Certainly. Were these women trashy? Absolutely. Was he ever driving around seedy Cuban neighborhoods picking up hookers 15 at a time and banging them behind dumpsters? No. He was carrying on relationships cross country in a premeditated manner. Everything Tiger did was planned and constructed. He’s a sleaze, no doubt, but an addict i think not.
Taking a lesson from that great volume of American morality: thurgood (NSFW-audio)
I mean what’s the craziest thing Tiger did? Got a hotel room in a 3 star hotel as opposed to 4 star in order to cut down on the amount of paparazzo around? Sorry, not going to cut it. But of course, if you are celebrity, and you do something wrong, you must say you were predisposed to committing said atrocities. This accomplishes 2 things: 1. It makes you seem like you have some sort of medical condition, and giving you shit would be like giving someone with lung cancer grief, even though they’ve been smoking for 75+ years. 2. More importantly, it sets a prescribed routine to go through to be “clean”. Oh, it’s ok, he’s going to go through that car wash rehab center and come out squeaky fresh. Man, celebrity rehab centers, what a good racket that is. Doubting some one after they do time at rehab is taboo, like doubting some one’s toughness after they served a few duties on the front lines of war.
“I think that fool is still a fiend for the stripper ‘tang”
“YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAS BEEN THROUGH???? A REHAB CENTER-IN MISSISSIPPI!!!! ONLY SOME OF THE MOVIE CHANNELS, AND NO PLAYBOY CHANNEL. YOU HEAR ME? NO PLAYBOY. YOU SIR, SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.”
So yea, this all a bunch of crap. While i believe that Tiger is sincerely upset, he’s no addict, and he needs to realize that the only thing that any one, including himself, really cares about is that he goes out and wins tournaments. As I said in my previous post about the man, the second richest athlete ever, MJ, was a notorious cheater. It didn’t matter because he kept his private life private, put on the ballinest suits ever and never stopped winning.
Half time. Dolph does ______
Random thoughts:
-I just realized every running route I’ve ever done regularly has been counter clockwise. Shoot, even when I’m in a new place, on vacation or something, and I only have a small understanding of the area, I begin my journey by heading towards the rightmost extent of my mental map and making a swath back across until I reach the leftmost extent before returning. I find this most disturbing. How did this happen? I didn’t even run track (My physical development resembled that of a chubby baby deer until the age of 19). How many things do I unknowingly do this consistently. Have I been putting on my right sock first every day for my whole life???? AHHHH!
-None of my facebook friends prayed for (advertised praying for) Chileans…
-UT Basketball continues to wow with their impotence. Has any team ever been #1 so late (Jan. 18), only to be unranked by tournament time? They are somehow still #25, but will surely blow it against Baylor this Saturday, and won’t win more than 1 game in the conference tournament. Rick Barnes is terrible. Think about this way: When UT was winning, it was winning with intangibles; great rebounding both directions, incredibly high-energy-defense, and a mean transition game. When conference games arrived and it was time to run half court sets, you know “offense”, things one might learn in “practice”, well, we were fucked. Damien James is usually the best player on the court and one of the most lethal players in the country when he receives the ball in the 10-18 foot range. We are talking about a lottery pick here. Watch a game. How often does he receive the ball inside the arc? How often does our offense set screens for him without the ball? With the ball? UT has had NBA caliber players the past 8 years. It’s time to stop this middle school offense (kick the ball in the post, hope the entire defense collapses, nobody move) we are running and run something one might learn from watching real film. Barnes did a great job getting UT ball on its feet. He talked TJ Ford into staying in state, brainstormed ways to get more students to the games, but he has proven he can’t coach.
-Many huge establishments made up of and supported by the most conservative individuals in our society are socialist entities. The most blatant example: The military, which gets more money from the taxpayers than any other branch of the government (after discretionary spending is factored in). It is made up of people who claim to hate and fear socialism, and is wholeheartedly supported by those who stake that claim with even greater ferocity. I support our military as well (love you Guz and Koller), but I am not in denial of what it is or where the money comes from. Even religion, the driving force of the most socially conservative movements around, is supported by people who show up and tithe (aka God tax). If God were a true conservative, He’d get out there and earn his own living, not come begging for my hard earned dollar each week. SHOW SOME INITIATIVE GOD. IT’S THE AMERICAN WAY! All of this occurred to me when I was discussing the views of the people in my new office with my carpool partner/boss. I love my new job, but if most of the people here had their way, there wouldn’t be so many gosh dern taxes, and republicans would fill every seat. BTW, I work for the City of Austin in the Parks Planningdepartment. So if most of my coworkers had their way, they’d be unemployed. AHHHHH!!!!
While we are on the subject of not making sense…watch the whole thing, the last minute makes it worth it 1,000,000x.
sonofabitch. This disqus thing made me comment twice. DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY
Drewsance
The world closing in Did you ever think That we could be so close,like brothers The future's in the air I can feel it everywhere Blowing with the wind of change
Take me to the magic of the moment On a glory night Where the children of tomorrow dream away In the winds of change
None of this would have ever happened if the Scorpions were still alive.
Drew
Take me to the magic of the moment On a glory night Where the children of tomorrow dream away In the winds of change
These coworkers of yours are true honest to goodness american patriots. They are willing to relinquish their job for the good of their homeland just like the great american politician Sarah Palin.
Truthiness: hearing you say you love your new job fills me with much hope for my future. Never have I ever expected Big Sex to put job and love side by side within the same sentence.
nrojb
I mean, let's not go crazy, I'm sure the winds of change will blow again after not too long.
Drew
You're not an ambiturner. It's ok. My dog isn't either. He only turns right, though.
Until Woods starts melting butter into a bit of Saran wrap, stuffing that into the folds of his sofa and then mounting his good sofa don't consider him an addict... connoisseur, but not addict.
Denny from Choke was a true addict. Palahniuk claims Denny to be the only character he truly cares for.
If you aren't careful, Bjorn, you could wind up addicted to those footy-pajamas-without-the-pajamas that you run in. Is the direction of your running routes an allegory to what you're trying to do with the act itself?
Always a good read here at the ol' sea-foam and white.
nrojb
the allegory sentence took me a minute. The french have some how sharpened your wit on their soft r's and stiff loaves of bread.
i guess the answer to that question is: yes, but at the time i began this pattern, i longed for the clock to move forward, aka out of chubby-skinny-mode.
Sex Tiger, by Odeon
In response to a request from my main man Spoony Bones, I will now give my updated thoughts on Tiger Woods, in light of his “press conference”.
not even 8 blades can cut away the shame
Right off the bat I gotta say all the criticism of the press conference itself, who was invited, why he didn’t answer questions, etc., is preposterous. Is there some sort of post coitus press conference code I don’t know about that he was supposed to adhere to? These freakin’ writers, “If I had cheated on my wife with 22 women over the course of 5 years, I would have done my press conference this way…” Please, shut your mouth.
Now, my thoughts on his words summarized: “Bull Shit”.
The “Forgive me, I am a _____ addict” card is so over played. Was his behavior despicable? Certainly. Were these women trashy? Absolutely. Was he ever driving around seedy Cuban neighborhoods picking up hookers 15 at a time and banging them behind dumpsters? No. He was carrying on relationships cross country in a premeditated manner. Everything Tiger did was planned and constructed. He’s a sleaze, no doubt, but an addict i think not.
Taking a lesson from that great volume of American morality: thurgood (NSFW-audio)
I mean what’s the craziest thing Tiger did? Got a hotel room in a 3 star hotel as opposed to 4 star in order to cut down on the amount of paparazzo around? Sorry, not going to cut it. But of course, if you are celebrity, and you do something wrong, you must say you were predisposed to committing said atrocities. This accomplishes 2 things: 1. It makes you seem like you have some sort of medical condition, and giving you shit would be like giving someone with lung cancer grief, even though they’ve been smoking for 75+ years. 2. More importantly, it sets a prescribed routine to go through to be “clean”. Oh, it’s ok, he’s going to go through that car wash rehab center and come out squeaky fresh. Man, celebrity rehab centers, what a good racket that is. Doubting some one after they do time at rehab is taboo, like doubting some one’s toughness after they served a few duties on the front lines of war.
“I think that fool is still a fiend for the stripper ‘tang”
“YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAS BEEN THROUGH???? A REHAB CENTER-IN MISSISSIPPI!!!! ONLY SOME OF THE MOVIE CHANNELS, AND NO PLAYBOY CHANNEL. YOU HEAR ME? NO PLAYBOY. YOU SIR, SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.”
So yea, this all a bunch of crap. While i believe that Tiger is sincerely upset, he’s no addict, and he needs to realize that the only thing that any one, including himself, really cares about is that he goes out and wins tournaments. As I said in my previous post about the man, the second richest athlete ever, MJ, was a notorious cheater. It didn’t matter because he kept his private life private, put on the ballinest suits ever and never stopped winning.
Half time. Dolph does ______
Random thoughts:
-I just realized every running route I’ve ever done regularly has been counter clockwise. Shoot, even when I’m in a new place, on vacation or something, and I only have a small understanding of the area, I begin my journey by heading towards the rightmost extent of my mental map and making a swath back across until I reach the leftmost extent before returning. I find this most disturbing. How did this happen? I didn’t even run track (My physical development resembled that of a chubby baby deer until the age of 19). How many things do I unknowingly do this consistently. Have I been putting on my right sock first every day for my whole life???? AHHHH!
-None of my facebook friends prayed for (advertised praying for) Chileans…
-UT Basketball continues to wow with their impotence. Has any team ever been #1 so late (Jan. 18), only to be unranked by tournament time? They are somehow still #25, but will surely blow it against Baylor this Saturday, and won’t win more than 1 game in the conference tournament. Rick Barnes is terrible. Think about this way: When UT was winning, it was winning with intangibles; great rebounding both directions, incredibly high-energy-defense, and a mean transition game. When conference games arrived and it was time to run half court sets, you know “offense”, things one might learn in “practice”, well, we were fucked. Damien James is usually the best player on the court and one of the most lethal players in the country when he receives the ball in the 10-18 foot range. We are talking about a lottery pick here. Watch a game. How often does he receive the ball inside the arc? How often does our offense set screens for him without the ball? With the ball? UT has had NBA caliber players the past 8 years. It’s time to stop this middle school offense (kick the ball in the post, hope the entire defense collapses, nobody move) we are running and run something one might learn from watching real film. Barnes did a great job getting UT ball on its feet. He talked TJ Ford into staying in state, brainstormed ways to get more students to the games, but he has proven he can’t coach.
-Many huge establishments made up of and supported by the most conservative individuals in our society are socialist entities. The most blatant example: The military, which gets more money from the taxpayers than any other branch of the government (after discretionary spending is factored in). It is made up of people who claim to hate and fear socialism, and is wholeheartedly supported by those who stake that claim with even greater ferocity. I support our military as well (love you Guz and Koller), but I am not in denial of what it is or where the money comes from. Even religion, the driving force of the most socially conservative movements around, is supported by people who show up and tithe (aka God tax). If God were a true conservative, He’d get out there and earn his own living, not come begging for my hard earned dollar each week. SHOW SOME INITIATIVE GOD. IT’S THE AMERICAN WAY! All of this occurred to me when I was discussing the views of the people in my new office with my carpool partner/boss. I love my new job, but if most of the people here had their way, there wouldn’t be so many gosh dern taxes, and republicans would fill every seat. BTW, I work for the City of Austin in the Parks Planning department. So if most of my coworkers had their way, they’d be unemployed. AHHHHH!!!!
While we are on the subject of not making sense…watch the whole thing, the last minute makes it worth it 1,000,000x.